Baby Faced Tyrants

Top 5 Baby-Faced Tyrants

As we saw in the first installment, moustaches appeared to be a clear indicator of totalitarian behaviour. But to in order to provide a balanced view, let's consider the carnage unleashed by Tyrants with access to top of the range gillette products.

Clean-Cut Karma Ratings -

Baby's Bottom - _*_
[five stars won't display for some reason]

Lady Face - ****
Blow Torch Razor - ***
Teenager With Bic Razor - **
5 O'clock Shadow - *

1. Pol Pot -

1928- 1998

Pot's Khymer Rouge killed around a third of Cambodia's population
after declaring Year Zero, blowing up banks, killing religious leaders
and attempting to turn the entire country into a giant farm . This makes
the black pyjama wearing despot one of the highest 'per captia' killers
of all time.

Dictatorship - 3 years
Genocide rating - 3 million
Evil Rating - 10
Clean Cut Karma - ****

Interesting Fact - Not long after the Vietmanese got rid of the
Americans, they invaded Cambodia in order to end Pol Pot's rule.

2. Idi Amin -

The Big Daddy and self styled Conqueror of the British Empire ran Uganda
for most of the 1970's until he made the mistake of starting a war with
neighbouring Tanzania, who kicked his butt and he fled from power. Amin
was once British Army Heavyweight Boxing and also proclaimed himself
King Of Scotland

Dictatorship - 8 years
Genocide rating - 300,000
countries occupied - 0
evil rating - 9
Clean Cut Karma - _*_

Interesting Fact - Amin reputedly had sex with up to 10 women everyday.
As a punishment to one of his wives, he had her arms and legs cut off,
swapped then sewn back on.

3. Mao Tse Tung -

Father of Communist China and leader for around 30 years. The Great Leap
Forward and Cultural Revolution were only two of Mao's big ideas. He
liked everyone to dress the same, which had the makers of padded anoraks
rubbing their hands with glee.

Dictatorship - 30 years
Genocide rating - 20 million
Evil rating - 10
Clean Cut Karma - ***

Interesting Fact- Mao was a librarian, so please be careful the next
time you are complaining at the Library. The person behind the counter
may well be taking notes in a little red book for future reference.

4. Nicolae Ceaucescu

1918-1989

AKA 'Genius of the Carpathians'.

The silver haired Romanian strongman with a Dracula obssession ruled
for two decades. Living in his enormous palace he failed to see the
writing on the wall and along with his missus paid the ultimate price
when the people rose up and shot the pair of them..

Dictatorship - 22 years
Genocide rating - no reliable figures, probably in the 10,000's
Evil rating - 8
Clean Cut Karma - **

Interesting Fact - Ceaucescu was given a black labrador puppy by David
Steel, the then Liberal Leader. He loved the dog so much it travelled in
it's own motorcade, was given the rank of colonel in the army and made
everyone call it 'Comrade' Corbu.

5. Radovan Karadzic

1945-200?

One of the ringleaders in the very messy string of civil wars following
the breakdown of Yugoslavia. Gave the world the new term 'Ethnic
cleansing. Along with sidekick Ratko Mladic , Karadzic is wanted for
crimes against humanity and genocide.

Dictatorship - 7 years
Genocide rating - 200,000
Evil rating - 7
Clean Cut Karma - *

Interesting fact - The Father Ted-esque tryrant is irinically thought to
be hiding out disguised as an orthodox priest. Isn't it strange that
both the television comedy and Karadzic disappeared at the same time.

The currently missing world public enemy number one Osama Bin Laden

has not been considered, as the master terrorist has never been head of state of any country and therefore is technically not a despot.

The exception to the rule with regard to facial hair is Clement Attlee -

The leader of the post World War Two British Labour Government headed an administration which came up with the welfare state and just about every other good idea a government could come up with. However he was voted out after one term. Could it be that the public got wind of the company he was keeping.

Not only is he knocking about with Uncle Joe Stalin, the baddest man on the planet at that time, but Clem also appears rather chummy with Harry. S. Truman, the only world leader thus far to authorise the use of nuclear weapons against an enemy.

Truman will be considered in the third part of our study, which looks at the relationship between the American Presidency and Hair.