Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I think you know me by now so lets cut the B.S and get down to business. Further to my briefing yesterday, I want to clarify several points. As we know d-day denotes the start of our campaign, and A, S, G- days refer to the activities of Air, Special Forces and ground units respectively, in addition to this I will refer to V-day as being the end point of our campaign, therefore Victory day, however up until that point we will refer to it as U-day, uncertain. Furthermore given the mobility and flexibility of our forces, M, W, J-days will reflect the status of said units at any given instance, thus we have marching, walking, jumping days with an optional R-day should things go off plan and we are called upon to retreat. This is unlikely however and is covered by E-day, in which we will run with any old excuse we can think of.
On a more operational level, I’d like to say a little bit about several interactive days involving joint operations by coalition forces, so T, Q, P; B-days are closely linked. The British will come over, make tea, and then we will all queue to pee, and B-day see the commencement of the latrine cleansing detail. Similarly H-day will see very one in the combat theatre wearing a nice hat.
The unpredictability of warfare has made it necessary to set aside a number of specific days just in case we need them. These are N-day, which denotes the period when it is not daytime but infact night-time, with x and y-days remaining in reserve, as reserve strength is important in warfare. As is, not squandering resources, as you may notice this leaves us with seven letters of the alphabet remaining, therefore for the duration of hostilities the days of the week will be known as follows
Monday -C-day
Tuesday-F-day
Wednesday-I-day
Thursday -K-day
Friday- L-day
Saturday- O-day
Sunday - Z-day
We had considered keeping a Saturday, because everybody likes Saturdays, but you know war is hell and you have to sometimes make sacrifices. Do we have any questions...?
Tommy Franks Additional Briefing
Ladies and gentlemen, I just want to bring everybody up to date with what's going on with Operation Iraqi Freedom. The latrines were cleaned this morning prior to further air strikes, which have been ongoing as you know since the launch of the offensive. Personnel are being urged to remember to wear the correct headgear, especially during air strikes. We hope to reach our objectives by Wednesday, however heavy enemy activity means we may have to re-group somewhere to our rear. In short, if we use the criteria established in my last briefing, we are currently experiencing a BAD HAIR-day. Any questions...?
